Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
