he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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