i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
