Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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