That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
wanna go halves on a baby?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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