So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
