i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
