there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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