wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
