he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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