I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
