she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
