I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
