I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
