i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sarcasm needs its own font
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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