There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
