I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
