His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You made out with two different species that night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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