he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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