I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
