also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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