My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
