I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
