"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
