I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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