haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize