I only kidnapped one of them. chill
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
