she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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