Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
