My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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