i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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