i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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