Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
