You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
