Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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