Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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