What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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