all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
