Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
