There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
