UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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