Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
