"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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