Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've blown a few things in my day
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
