some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
