My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
