I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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