The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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