Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
