why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
