One girl and one boy is just not enough.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
