Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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