You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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