You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
