I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
