Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize