Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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