ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
