Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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