I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
