Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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