So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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