I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
