wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
