I want to make a zoo with you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
