i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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