Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
