My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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