I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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