hotel room ftw
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
