Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
