umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
whose ass print is on the piano?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize