Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
