Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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