i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
