I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
